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This fictitious diary details fifteen months in the life of Mr. Charles Pooter, a middle aged city clerk of lower middle-class status but significant social aspirations. The Diary of a Nobody by George Grossmith and Weedon Grossmith. Adobe PDF icon. Download this document as File size: MB What's this? light. Free eBook: The Diary of a Nobody by George and Weedon Grossmith. The humors of English suburban life naively revealed by one Charles Pooter, a clerk, .

He seems, after all, a decent sort of fellow; so I gave him an order for some fresh eggs, with a request that on this occasion they should be fresh. I am afraid we shall have to get some new stair-carpets after all; our old ones are not quite wide enough to meet the paint on either side. Carrie suggests that we might ourselves broaden the paint.

I will see if we can match the colour dark chocolate on Monday. April 8, Sunday. After Church, the Curate came back with us. I sent Carrie in to open front door, which we do not use except on special occasions.

She could not get it open, and after all my display, I had to take the Curate whose name, by-the-by, I did not catch, round the side entrance. He caught his foot in the scraper, and tore the bottom of his trousers.

Most annoying, as Carrie could not well offer to repair them on a Sunday. After dinner, went to sleep. Took a walk round the garden, and discovered a beautiful spot for sowing mustard-and-cress and radishes. Went to Church again in the evening: walked back with the Curate. Carrie noticed he had got on the same pair of trousers, only repaired.

He wants me to take round the plate, which I think a great compliment. Gowing rather tiresome with his complaints of the paint. I make one of the best jokes of my life. Delights of Gardening. Stillbrook, Gowing, Cummings, and I have a little misunderstanding. Sarah makes me look a fool before Cummings. April 9. Commenced the morning badly. The butcher, whom we decided not to arrange with, called and blackguarded me in the most uncalled-for manner. He began by abusing me, and saying he did not want my custom.

I simply said: Then what are you making all this fuss about it for? And he shouted out at the top of his voice, so that all the neighbours could hear: Pah!

I could download up things like you by the dozen! The Diary Of A Nobody By George And Weedon Grossmith I shut the door, and was giving Carrie to understand that this disgraceful scene was entirely her fault, when there was a violent kicking at the door, enough to break the panels.

It was the blackguard butcher again, who said he had cut his foot over the scraper, and would immediately bring an action against me. Called at Farmersons, the ironmonger, on my way to town, and gave him the job of moving the scraper and repairing the bells, thinking it scarcely worth while to trouble the landlord with such a trifling matter. Arrived home tired and worried. Putley, a painter and decorator, who had sent in a card, said he could not match the colour on the stairs, as it contained Indian carmine.

He said he spent half-a-day calling at warehouses to see if he could get it. He suggested he should entirely repaint the stairs. It would cost very little more; if he tried to match it, he could only make a bad job of it. It would be more satisfactory to him and to us to have the work done properly. I consented, but felt I had been talked over. Planted some mustard-and-cress and radishes, and went to bed at nine.

April Farmerson came round to attend to the scraper himself. He seems a very civil fellow. He says he does not usually conduct such small jobs personally, but for me he would do so. I thanked him, and went to town.

It is disgraceful how late some of the young clerks are at arriving. I told three of them that if Mr. Perkupp, the principal, heard of it, they might be discharged. Pitt, a monkey of seventeen, who has only been with us six weeks, told me to keep my hair on! I informed him I had had the honour of being in the firm twenty years, to which he insolently replied that I looked it.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

I gave him an indignant look, and said: I demand from you some respect, sir. He replied: All right, go on demanding. I would not argue with him any further. You cannot argue with people like that.

In the evening Gowing called, and repeated his complaint about the smell of paint. Gowing is sometimes very tedious with his remarks, and not always cautious; and Carrie once very properly reminded him that she was present.

Mustard-and-cress and radishes not come up yet. To-day was a day of annoyances. I missed the quarter-to-nine bus to the City, through having words with the grocers boy, who for the second time had the www.

He said he had knocked at the side door with his knuckles for a quarter of an hour. I knew Sarah, our servant, could not hear this, as she was upstairs doing the bedrooms, so asked the boy why he did not ring the bell? He replied that he did pull the bell, but the handle came off in his hand. I was half-an-hour late at the office, a thing that has never happened to me before. There has recently been much irregularity in the attendance of the clerks, and Mr.

Perkupp, our principal, unfortunately choose this very morning to pounce down upon us early. Someone had given the tip to the others.

The result was that I was the only one late of the lot. Buckling, one of the senior clerks, was a brick, and I was saved by his intervention. As I passed by Pitts desk, I heard him remark to his neighbour: How disgracefully late some of the head clerks arrive! This was, of course, meant for me. I treated the observation with silence, simply giving him a look, which unfortunately had the effect of making both of the clerks laugh. Thought afterwards it would have been more dignified if I had pretended not to have heard him at all.

Cummings called in the evening, and we played dominoes. Left Farmerson repairing the scraper, but when I came home found three men working.

I asked the meaning of it, and Farmerson said that in making a fresh hole he had penetrated the gas-pipe. He said it was a most ridiculous place to put the gas-pipe, and the man who did it evidently knew nothing about his business. I felt his excuse was no consolation for the expense I shall be put to. In the evening, after tea, Gowing dropped in, and we had a smoke together in the breakfast-parlour.

Carrie joined us later, but did not stay long, saying the smoke was too much for her. It was also rather too much for me, for Gowing had given me what he called a green cigar, one that his friend Shoemach had just brought over from America. The cigar didnt look green, but I fancy I must have done so; for when I had smoked a little more than half I was obliged to retire on the pretext of telling Sarah to bring in the glasses.

I took a walk round the garden three or four times, feeling the need of fresh air. On returning Gowing noticed I was not smoking: offered me www. Gowing began his usual sniffing, so, anticipating him, I said: Youre not going to complain of the smell of paint again? He said: No, not this time; but Ill tell you what, I distinctly smell dry rot.

I dont often make jokes, but I replied: Youre talking a lot of dry rot yourself. I could not help roaring at this, and Carrie said her sides quite ached with laughter. I never was so immensely tickled by anything I have ever said before. I actually woke up twice during the night, and laughed till the bed shook. An extraordinary coincidence: Carrie had called in a woman to make some chintz covers for our drawing-room chairs and sofa to prevent the sun fading the green rep of the furniture.

I saw the woman, and recognised her as a woman who used to work years ago for my old aunt at Clapham. It only shows how small the world is. Spent the whole of the afternoon in the garden, having this morning picked up at a bookstall for fivepence a capital little book, in good condition, on Gardening. I procured and sowed some half-hardy annuals in what I fancy will be a warm, sunny border.

I thought of a joke, and called out Carrie. Carrie came out rather testy, I thought. I said: I have just discovered we have got a lodging-house. She replied: How do you mean? I said: Look at the boarders. Carrie said: Is that all you wanted me for? I said: Any other time you would have laughed at my little pleasantry. Carrie said: Certainlyat any other time, but not when I am busy in the house.

The stairs looked very nice. Gowing called, and said the stairs looked all right, but it made the banisters look all wrong, and suggested a coat of paint on them also, which Carrie quite agreed with.

I walked round to Putley, and fortunately he was out, so I had a good excuse to let the banisters slide. By-the-by, that is rather funny. April 15, Sunday. At three oclock Cummings and Gowing called for a good long walk over Hampstead and Finchley, and brought with them a friend named Stillbrook. We walked and chatted together, except Stillbrook, who was always a few yards behind us staring at the ground and cutting at the grass with his stick. As it was getting on for five, we four held a consultation, and Gowing suggested that we should make for The Cow and Hedge and get some tea.

Stillbrook said: A brandy-and-soda was good enough for him. I www. Stillbrook said, Thats all rightbona-fide travellers. We arrived; and as I was trying to pass, the man in charge of the gate said: Where from?

I replied: Holloway. He immediately put up his arm, and declined to let me pass. I turned back for a moment, when I saw Stillbrook, closely followed by Cummings and Gowing, make for the entrance. I watched them, and thought I would have a good laugh at their expense, I heard the porter say: Where from? When, to my surprise, in fact disgust, Stillbrook replied: Blackheath, and the three were immediately admitted.

Gowing called to me across the gate, and said: We shant be a minute. I waited for them the best part of an hour. When they appeared they were all in most excellent spirits, and the only one who made an effort to apologise was Mr.

Stillbrook, who said to me: It was very rough on you to be kept waiting, but we had another spin for S. I walked home in silence; I couldnt speak to them. I felt very dull all the evening, but deemed it advisable not to say anything to Carrie about the matter.

After business, set to work in the garden. When it got dark I wrote to Cummings and Gowing who neither called, for a wonder; perhaps they were ashamed of themselves about yesterdays adventure at The Cow and Hedge.

Afterwards made up my mind not to write yet. Thought I would write a kind little note to Gowing and Cummings about last Sunday, and warning them against Mr.

Afterwards, thinking the matter over, tore up the letters and determined not to write at all, but to speak quietly to them.

Dumfounded at receiving a sharp letter from Cummings, saying that both he and Gowing had been waiting for an explanation of my mind you, my extraordinary conduct coming home on Sunday. At last I wrote: I thought I was the aggrieved party; but as I freely forgive you, youfeeling yourself aggrievedshould bestow forgiveness on me. I have copied this verbatim in the diary, because I think it is one of the most perfect and thoughtful sentences I have ever written.

I posted the letter, but in my own heart I felt I was actually apologising for having been insulted. Am in for a cold. Spent the whole day at the office sneezing. In the evening, the cold being intolerable, sent Sarah out for a bottle of www.

Fell asleep in the arm-chair, and woke with the shivers. Was startled by a loud knock at the front door. Carrie awfully flurried. Sarah still out, so went up, opened the door, and found it was only Cummings.

Remembered the grocers boy had again broken the side-bell. Cummings squeezed my hand, and said: Ive just seen Gowing. All right. Say no more about it. There is no doubt they are both under the impression I have apologised.

While playing dominoes with Cummings in the parlour, he said: By-theby, do you want any wine or spirits? My cousin Merton has just set up in the trade, and has a splendid whisky, four years in bottle, at thirty-eight shillings. It is worth your while laying down a few dozen of it. I told him my cellars, which were very small, were full up.

To my horror, at that very moment, Sarah entered the room, and putting a bottle of whisky, wrapped in a dirty piece of newspaper, on the table in front of us, said: Please, sir, the grocer says he aint got no more Kinahan, but youll find this very good at two-and-six, with twopence returned on the bottle; and, please, did you want any more sherry?

Merton on Society. James, of Sutton, come up. A miserable evening at the Tank Theatre. Experiments with enamel paint. I make another good joke; but Gowing and Cummings are unnecessarily offended. I paint the bath red, with unexpected result. Cummings called, bringing with him his friend Merton, who is in the wine trade. Gowing also called. Merton made himself at home at once, and Carrie and I were both struck with him immediately, and thoroughly approved of his sentiments.

He leaned back in his chair and said: You must take me as I am; and I replied: Yesand you must take us as we are. Were homely people, we are not swells. He answered: No, I can see that, and Gowing roared with laughter; but Merton in a most gentlemanly manner said to Gowing: I dont think you quite understand me. I intended to convey that our charming host and hostess were superior to the follies of fashion, and preferred leading a www. I was immensely pleased with these sensible remarks of Mertons, and concluded that subject by saying: No, candidly, Mr.

Merton, we dont go into Society, because we do not care for it; and what with the expense of cabs here and cabs there, and white gloves and white ties, etc. Merton said in reference to friends: My motto is Few and True; and, by the way, I also apply that to wine, Little and Good. Gowing said: Yes, and sometimes cheap and tasty, eh, old man? Merton, still continuing, said he should treat me as a friend, and put me down for a dozen of his Lockanbar whisky, and as I was an old friend of Gowing, I should have it for 36s.

He booked his own order, and further said that at any time I wanted any passes for the theatre I was to let him know, as his name stood good for any theatre in London.

Carrie reminded me that as her old school friend, Annie Fullers now Mrs. James , and her husband had come up from Sutton for a few days, it would look kind to take them to the theatre, and would I drop a line to Mr. I wrote Merton to that effect.

Got a reply from Merton, saying he was very busy, and just at present couldnt manage passes for the Italian Opera, Haymarket, Savoy, or Lyceum, but the best thing going on in London was the Brown Bushes, at the Tank Theatre, Islington, and enclosed seats for four; also bill for whisky.

James Miss Fullers that was came to meat tea, and we left directly after for the Tank Theatre. We got a bus that took us to Kings Cross, and then changed into one that took us to the Angel. James each time insisted on paying for all, saying that I had paid for the tickets and that was quite enough.

I walked ahead and presented the tickets. The man looked at them, and called out: Mr. The gentleman called to, came up and examined my tickets, and said: Who gave you these? I said, rather indignantly: Mr. Merton, of course. He said: Merton? Whos he? I answered, rather sharply: You ought to know, his names good at any theatre in London.

He replied: Oh! Well, it aint no good here. These tickets, which are not dated, were issued under Mr. Swinsteads management, which has since changed hands.

While I was having some very unpleasant words with the man, James, who had gone upstairs with the ladies, called out: Come on! I went up after them, and a very civil attendant said: This way, please, box H. I said to James: Why, how on earth did you manage it? This was humiliating enough, and I could scarcely follow the play, but I was doomed to still further humiliation. I was leaning out of the box, when my tiea little black bow which fastened on to the stud by means of a new patentfell into the pit below.

A clumsy man not noticing it, had his foot on it for ever so long before he discovered it. He then picked it up and eventually flung it under the next seat in disgust. What with the box incident and the tie, I felt quite miserable. James, of Sutton, was very good. He said: Dont worryno one will notice it with your beard.

That is the only advantage of growing one that I can see. There was no occasion for that remark, for Carrie is very proud of my beard. To hide the absence of the tie I had to keep my chin down the rest of the evening, which caused a pain at the back of my neck.

Could scarcely sleep a wink through thinking of having brought up Mr. James from the country to go to the theatre last night, and his having paid for a private box because our order was not honoured, and such a poor play too.

I wrote a very satirical letter to Merton, the wine merchant, who gave us the pass, and said, Considering we had to pay for our seats, we did our best to appreciate the performance.

I thought this line rather cutting, and I asked Carrie how many ps there were in appreciate, and she said, One. After I sent off www. Awfully vexed at this. Decided not to worry myself any more about the Jamess; for, as Carrie wisely said, Well make it all right with them by asking them up from Sutton one evening next week to play at Bzique.

In consequence of Brickwell telling me his wife was working wonders with the new Pinkfords enamel paint, I determined to try it. I bought two tins of red on my way home. I hastened through tea, went into the garden and painted some flower-pots.

I called out Carrie, who said: Youve always got some newfangled craze; but she was obliged to admit that the flower-pots looked remarkably well. Went upstairs into the servants bedroom and painted her washstand, towel-horse, and chest of drawers. To my mind it was an extraordinary improvement, but as an example of the ignorance of the lower classes in the matter of taste, our servant, Sarah, on seeing them, evinced no sign of pleasure, but merely said she thought they looked very well as they was before.

Got some more red enamel paint red, to my mind, being the best colour , and painted the coal-scuttle, and the backs of our Shakspeare, the binding of which had almost worn out. Painted the bath red, and was delighted with the result. Sorry to say Carrie was not, in fact we had a few words about it. She said I ought to have consulted her, and she had never heard of such a thing as a bath being painted red.

I replied: Its merely a matter of taste. Fortunately, further argument on the subject was stopped by a voice saying, May I come in? It was only Cummings, who said, Your maid opened the door, and asked me to excuse her showing me in, as she was wringing out some socks. I was delighted to see him, and suggested we should have a game of whist with a dummy, and by way of merriment said: You can be the dummy.

Cummings I thought rather ill-naturedly replied: Funny as usual. He said he couldnt stop, he only called to leave me the Bicycle News, as he had done with it. Another ring at the bell; it was Gowing, who said he must apologise for coming so often, and that one of these days we must come round to www.

I said: A very extraordinary thing has struck me. Something funny, as usual, said Cummings. Yes, I replied; I think even you will say so this time.

Its concerning you both; for doesnt it seem odd that Gowings always coming and Cummings always going? Carrie, who had evidently quite forgotten about the bath, went into fits of laughter, and as for myself, I fairly doubled up in my chair, till it cracked beneath me.

I think this was one of the best jokes I have ever made. Then imagine my astonishment on perceiving both Cummings and Gowing perfectly silent, and without a smile on their faces. After rather an unpleasant pause, Cummings, who had opened a cigar-case, closed it up again and said: YesI think, after that, I shall be going, and I am sorry I fail to see the fun of your jokes. Gowing said he didnt mind a joke when it wasnt rude, but a pun on a name, to his thinking, was certainly a little wanting in good taste.

Cummings followed it up by saying, if it had been said by anyone else but myself, he shouldnt have entered the house again. August 5. He said he had got leave from the bank. Carrie was delighted. In fact. Lupin being a purely family name.

The Diary Of A Nobody

August 6. The ambition of my life would be to get him into Mr. If you want the good old truth. I could say nothing. When my speech came again. This will give us an opportunity of trying to find an appointment for Willie before we go. Lupin not having come down. I said nothing.

I knocked at his door. Perkupp has given me leave to postpone my holiday a week. I hope you are happy with your colleagues at the Bank. Lupin replied that he had had a lively time of it. How dare you take such a serious step without consulting me? Bank Holiday. Carrie came up and asked if he would like some breakfast sent up. I went up again at half-past one. On the cliffs they would have been double the price. August I thought you had gone to Barmouth with your Birmingham friends?

It was very wet in the evening. We must have some evenings together and have games. I expressed my opinion that such performances were unworthy of respectable patronage. Carrie said: Very nice apartments near the station. This will take my mind off the worry of the last few days. Lupin said he would sit up and read a bit. Cummings said he must hasten back to Margate. Carrie and I went for a sail. I felt she was somewhat right.

He seemed pleased. It being wet. He sat on a chair. It was a relief to be with her alone. Gowing—a hundred up. Carrie then read me a long sermon on the palpable inadvisability of treating Lupin as if he were a mere child.

A walk round the cloth will give me an appetite for dinner. On our return. Gowing asked Cummings to accompany him to the hotel and have a game of billiards. James the nicer I think she is. Lupin said he was not a bit surprised at Mrs. Poolers and Smith are sorry they have nothing to offer Lupin.

The result of this stupid joke was that we all fell on the ground. Gowing said: Got a place for Lupin. Janus and Co. Carrie invited Mrs. Can get nothing for Lupin. Cummings put some vinegar on. James to come up from Sutton and spend two or three days with us. The more I see of Mrs. Some one tampers with my diary. Carrie bought some pretty bluewool mats to stand vases on. Gowing then said: Next-door neighbours are a little troublesome. We looked very ridiculous.

Lupin startles us with an announcement. We have not said a word to Lupin. They will look just the thing for our little hall. Lupin does not seem to get on very well with Mrs. James made us play rather a good game of cards. An evening or two ago I had put on a white waistcoat for coolness. There was also a decanter of port and some jam puffs on the sideboard.

James having talked considerably about what to wear all the morning. I must confess I laughed heartily at this. Lupin said: I shall go and enjoy a quiet game of marbles in the back-garden. I was a little vexed at everybody subsequently laughing at some joke which they did not explain. Carrie prepared a little extemporised supper. I am afraid we shall have some trouble with our next-door neighbours who came in last Wednesday.

Several of their friends. Judging from the subsequent conversation. Lupin got up in the middle. James went off shopping. I turned sharply. I am afraid Mrs. Finding a burnt piece of paper in the grate. October This retort of mine.

James is making a positive fool of Carrie. I requested Mrs. I asked Carrie if she knew anything about it. Carrie appeared in a new dress like a smock-frock. So it was evident some one had torn my diary to light the fire. She replied it was my own fault for leaving the diary about with a charwoman cleaning and the sweeps in the house. I called to Sarah. Birrell the charwoman had cleaned the room and lighted the fire herself.

Carrie was dreadfully upset at this disaster.

She also had on a hat as big as a kitchen coal-scuttle. James went home. I replied it put me in a rage. I said that was not an answer to my question. She said she had not been in the sitting-room at all. It is perfectly monstrous! Mine is a large scribbling diary. Birrell to be sent to me tomorrow. Merkins and Son write they have no vacancy for Lupin. I examined it. Birrell called.

The sweep called. I asked him to come down for a moment. Sarah heard this. November 2. I ordered her about her business. In talking over our own happy experiences. I could not rebuke him. He made no attempt to turn down the gas in the passage. I would willingly give ten shillings to find out who tore my diary. I sat up till past one for him. We were startled by hearing the door slam violently.

I requested the sweep to be sent to me tomorrow. November 1. I might have had a little joke about it. He said Sarah lighted the fire. Lupin had come in. If I were not so worried just now. I wish Carrie had not given Lupin a latch-key. Lupin then said: He declined to have any breakfast. We decide to give a party in her honour.

He lived with an object now. Lupin being in for a wonder. In the evening I had up a special bottle of port. I have some good and unexpected news for you. He said he had last night been elected a member of an Amateur Dramatic Club. He loved her the moment he saw her. Perkupp has got an appointment for Lupin. Perkupp has procured you an appointment! Am introduced to Daisy Mutlar.

Lupin further said. November 5. After dinner he told us all about it. He made a great fuss about it. It is a ridiculous waste of time and money. It began to rain.

Mutlar ought to call on her first. I will never join in any more firework parties. Cummings fastened a large wheel set-piece on a stake in the ground by way of a grand finale. I asked Lupin who her people were. I agreed with Carrie. Another unfortunate thing happened. I thought this rather premature. At last it went off. November 7. Stock and Share Brokers. I said I had no doubt we should like Miss Mutlar when we saw her.

I had my stick with me. Daisy Mutlar was the sole topic of conversation for the remainder of the day. There was a little difficulty in getting it alight.

Anybody would have thought I had set the house on fire from the way in which they stormed at me. Lupin told me. One of my squibs would not go off. Williams and Watts. November 6. Carrie here burst out crying. Lupin has Daisy Mutlar on the brain. Poor Carrie could scarcely keep her eyes open. Mutlar began a series of comic imitations. November The way he kept dropping the cigar sent Carrie into fits. He was rather a gawky youth. In the course of conversation. I ordered twenty-five of each.

Lupin brought in Harry Mutlar. He took up a knife. Instead of taking the hint. He went on for an hour without cessation. Lupin put on his hat and coat. Cummings dropped in. Carrie almost as www. November 8. Daisy Mutlar the sole topic of conversation during tea. Carrie said we would get up a little special party. November 9. At supper. As young Mutlar showed no inclination to go. He also gave an imitation of an old man with no teeth. At last she made an excuse.

Birrell to go home. Carrie walking on with Miss Mutlar. Lupin informs me. When I entered the parlour Lupin was kicking his legs in the air. He was standing between the two women. Birrell of tearing the pages out of my diary to wrap up some kitchen fat and leavings which she had taken out of the house last week. I did not even think her goodlooking. Carrie asked her if she could come in on Wednesday next with her brother to meet a few friends.

Frank Mutlar is going to play old Musty. She replied that she would only be too pleased. She is a big young woman. Gowing came in the evening.

Daisy Mutlar. Daisy was introduced to us. I told Lupin pretty plainly I was not in the least degree interested in the matter. We asked them in for a few minutes.

My heart quite sank. Birrell the charwoman. I wrote a note to Mr. I advise you to think of earning your living before entangling yourself with a wife whom you will have to support.

Franching was coming. We decided to have some light things on the table. I only wanted to know. Perkupp also putting in an appearance. She said she felt quite nervous about her responsibilities to-morrow evening. I said I feared we were not quite grand enough for him. Carrie was busy all day.

James of Sutton. I gave you credit for more wisdom than to allow yourself to be inveigled into an engagement with a woman considerably older than yourself. Carrie said we may as well make it a nice affair. Carrie said he had better dress. I fairly lost my temper. Lupin came in. I have lived to be above that sort of thing.

He came back to supper. Lupin jumped up and said: I will leave the house and never darken your doors again. Old Friends and New Friends. The supper-room looked so nice. I got home early from the City. I replied satirically: Inopportune arrival of Mr. Gowing is a little annoying. Party a great success. Our first important party since we have been in this house.

But it was all right. I think this an unnecessary expense. Lupin insisted on having a hired waiter.

You should get your missus to put a flounce on them. Carrie arranged for some sherry and port wine to be placed on the drawing-room sideboard. The arrangement of the drawing-room was excellent. Stillbrook arrived. She had a brightcrimson dress on. Carrie looked a picture. The first arrival was Gowing. Sprice-Hogg and his four daughters came.

The former said: The next arrivals were Mr. Carrie had hung muslin curtains over the folding-doors. She ought to have taken a lesson from Carrie.

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I do not think such a style modest. Watson then said: Carrie put a stop to that at once. All this is Greek to me. We had some music. Perkupp should come by mere chance. There was not a glass of champagne left—not even a sandwich.

I apologised for the foolery. I would not have asked her to sing again. They indulged in a very noisy pantomime. Lupin had whitened his face like a clown. He repeated this action. Perkupp said: I turned round suddenly. I told Carrie to keep something back in case Mr. We went upstairs. He was supposed to be the donkey. Perkupp standing half-way in the door. I asked Mr. Stillbrook amused us with a song. Perkupp said he www. I tried to keep a bottle back.

Gowing annoyed me very much by filling a large tumbler of champagne. He would not come right into the room. Carrie and I took him downstairs. I beckoned to Carrie. The last syphon was empty.

Kept dreaming also. Finished off all the water in the bottle. Pooter—you will excuse my very short stay. I drank two glasses. Lupin falls out with Daisy Mutlar. I had the same dream about a dozen times. I added that good champagne hurt nobody. She said I was a spooney old thing.

Carrie annoyed me by saying: It seems absurd now. Carrie said it was a great success. Carrie and I had a little dance. I know. Perkupp said. I really require nothing. I make another Good Joke. The best man is only a walking gentleman. Gowing can be a very nice fellow when he likes. Lupin said he did not care for dominoes. He said it was the best party he had been to for many a year. There are only two parts in it—the bride and bridegroom.. I told Sarah not to bring up the blanc-mange again for breakfast.

I am satisfied a life of going-out and Society is not a life for me.: Cummings and I asked them to join us. We sat down to a quiet game of dominoes. He said everything was done beautifully. It was just half-past eleven. The remains of Wednesday? He added: Cummings came round in the evening.

We only met her twice at Mrs. Frank and Lupin in measured time said: It seems to have been placed on our table at every meal since Wednesday. With the exception of a crying father and a snivelling mother. For instance. That quite reconciles me to what I must confess seems an imprudent engagement. Such struggles were generally occasioned by want of means. Lupin entered.

In spite of my instructions. We are all vain at times. He departed in the best of spirits. Dear Carrie reminded me that we married early. In the afternoon Lupin was off to spend the rest of the day with the Mutlars.

Have you an estate in Greenland? Carrie asked Lupin if he would have some. Carrie said I had expressed myself wonderfully well. Burwin-Fosselton becomes a nuisance. There are lots of Fosseltons. I must say he gave some capital imitations of him. It is a double name. Make the acquaintance of a Mr. Bought a cheap address-book. I spent the evening copying in the names and addresses of my friends and acquaintances. Carrie said to Lupin: The conversation was almost entirely monopolised by the young fellow Fosselton.

Lupin also came in. Happy to say Daisy Mutlar was never referred to.

The Diary of a Nobody

Left out the Mutlars of course. As he showed no signs of moving at supper time. I have none. He asked for a drop of brandy with a sort of careless look. You mean Miss Mutlar.

In half-an-hour Lupin retired from the parlour. I never saw such a resemblance. After supper he kept stretching out his legs on the fender. He sank so low down in his chair that his chin was almost on a level with the table. Burwin-Fosselton had come in with him. Gowing never attempted any apology to either of us. It was astonishing. He had prepared a bit of a surprise. Henry Irving.

After supper. Burwin-Fosselton again monopolised the conversation with his Irving talk. When he went. Burwin-Fosselton got a little too boisterous over his Irving imitation. Lupin came in and seemed in much better spirits. I could not help thinking they might as well give a party at my house while they are about it. During the supper Mr. Cummings came early. I think. The only person who did not appear interested was the man Padge. After some little time I said.

Gowing came a little later and brought. Once we had a rather heated discussion. Padge said: Burwin-Fosselton said: Burwin-Fosselton and told him I should be out this evening. Of course. Dear old Cummings came in the evening. Cummings said surely some imitations were better than the originals.

My only consolation is. I would have written to Mr. He added that his neck was still painful. I was so annoyed at the conduct of Padge. This is the second time I have done this during the last week.

I think perhaps the greatest surprise was when we broke up. I made what I considered a very clever remark: Had it not been for this Daisy Mutlar business. I was exasperated. Padge has only come to see the other Irving make-up. BurwinFosselton came. I suppose Mr. The Irving imitations and conversations occupied the whole evening. I ventured to remark that after all it was but an imitation of an original. Gowing was rightly annoyed. I must be losing my memory.

Burwin-Fosselton was not only like Mr. Burwin-Fosselton said quite impertinently: She is outside. He had been introduced by a friend. I spoke to Carrie about it. Gowing passed into the passage at this time and was rude enough to listen to the conversation. I was very angry. When they left. I spoke my mind pretty freely about Padge. I bowed rather stiffly. Very much annoyed in the evening by the laundress sending home an odd sock.

I was disgusted and walked upstairs for the purpose of pinning down my collar. Lupin came in before I could reply. My heart gave a leap. When I returned to the parlour. Gowing was retailing his idiotic joke about the odd sock.

Padge that we should be engaged to-morrow evening. I suppose I am losing my sense of humour. I should advise you to talk about what you understand. I never wrote a more determined letter. Burwin-Fosselton and Mr. Upon my word. Gowing said he had met him only once before that evening. Gowing wished to show him some little return. I very pointedly said to Mr.

Sarah said she sent two pairs. Lupin shouted: I had to run after it. When I had succeeded in doing so. In the evening Sunday evening of all others I found an impertinent note from Mr. Fernlosse had walked on with some swell friends. I suppose she knew me through seeing me so often take round the plate. Acknowledge your defeat.

Permit me. She is a very influential lady. I cannot say how disappointed I felt. Oh dear! The dandy horse of past days has been known to overtake the slow coach. I must say I felt flattered. I found Mrs. A rather annoying incident occurred. Yours truly. When there. For I.

There are many matters you may understand. And when the farce craze is over—and. I admit. I may even falter we are all weak. Your life in the City is honourable. One is paid for doing what the other does as skilfully for nothing! I may slip. I may crawl. But how different! Cannot even you see the ocean between us? A channel that prevents the meeting of our brains in harmonious accord.

In consequence of some stuff she puts in the water. On her return. The breaking off of the engagement between Lupin and Daisy Mutlar has made him a different being.

When Lupin came in. She was a little dull last Saturday. There was not a single button on my shirt yesterday. He showed me the letter before he sent it. December I was obliged to leave to give instructions to the laundress. I never saw anyone but you wear buttons on the shirtfronts. I handed him this impertinent letter. The last few weeks of my diary are of minimum interest. I think he is right. Someone else says: So what is one to do? Another thing which is disappointing to me is.

I was astounded. I see nothing but clouds. Lupin is perfectly intolerable over the Daisy Mutlar business. Lupin declined to go.

What does it mean? Why someone says: He is evidently condemning her conduct. Lupin then obliged us with the following Radical speech: I broached the subject at the breakfast-table to-day. Where would Evelyn and Pepys have been if it had not been for their diaries?

I vow the end of this year will see the end of my diary. I could see. Carrie was sorry for this. I wonder whose turn it will be www. I had to download more and pay more than intended. I felt it my duty to download some of these damaged cards. The observation was scarcely out of my mouth. The manager came forward. Carrie said the great disadvantage of going out in Society and increasing the number of our friends was. Unfortunately I did not examine them all.

I remarked to one of the young persons serving. Lupin who. I shall download all future cards in the daytime. I asked him why.

Most of the cards had finger-marks. Shop crowded with people. I cannot think either Gowing or Cummings would do such a mean thing. The handwriting on the envelope is evidently disguised. I never insult people. You ought to congratulate yourself on having got off a very bad bargain. We miss drinking out the Old Year. I ventured to ask him where he intended to spend his Christmas. Moss is rather too free. I receive an extraordinary letter from Mr.

A boisterous evening. It is on again—there! He replied: Lupin denied all knowledge of it. Her notions are far too grand for our simple tastes. The worst part of the transaction is. Those who happily have not fallen out. I wonder if Pitt. Of course one did not object to this. We are of one mind. The country was quite nice and pleasant. Franching would be above such an act. If everybody had a nice. Those who have quarrelled with absent friends should kiss and make it up.

We dined in the middle of the day. I concluded. He then walked round the table and kissed all the ladies. Being all in good spirits.

Fortunately the matter was treated as a joke. Christmas Day.Tradesmen called for custom, and I promised Farmerson, the ironmonger, to give him a turn if I wanted any nails or tools.

Dumfounded at receiving a sharp letter from Cummings, saying that both he and Gowing had been waiting for an explanation of my mind you, my extraordinary conduct coming home on Sunday.

Lupin who. I persevered. Carrie, with a perversity which is just like her, said it was painters colic, and was the result of my having spent the last few days with my nose over a paint-pot.

Got a place for Lupin. He is evidently condemning her conduct.

ODIS from Richland
I do enjoy reading books jovially. See my other articles. I have only one hobby: one day international.